One Day
by Lady LightningBird
Summary: Its been a week since the Exalted Council, since Fen'Harel delivered the Qunari invasion right to the Inquisition's fingertips...since he left his love to die. Now, with the news of her survival, and what she did to achieve it, he must rethink his position, reevaluate his choices, and remember his heart.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

 **This has been edited, content added, then resubmitted. Worth another read. I intend to build on it with another submission.**

 **Also, my first fanfic ever. Please comment. I used to dislike fanfiction but then DAI came along with that bombshell of an ending and killed me inside. Then the DLCs came out and buried my heartbroken corpse. This was the result.**

...

She was alive. Kana Lavellan was alive.

Fen'Harel sat back in his chair, one very similar to the armchair he'd claimed at Skyhold, and read his agent's report once more, blue eyes hovering over her name, chest constricting with the hurt there that not even Compassion could help with.

He read it again. _Kana –_ a name synonymous with summer and light made even more so by her actions as the most influential person in Thedas. She had done more for the People and for the people than he thought was possible. But still…despite her efforts she never understood…because he wouldn't – couldn't – tell her.

It had been only a week since the Exalted Council, since he'd had his spies and agents deliver the Qunari invasion right to the Inquisition's fingertips…since he'd left her to die. That moment, that final fleeting moment haunted him more than any demon he'd ever encountered: her eyes watching him go, the influx of magic that tried to latch onto his form. He had always known what might happen to her, the one who bore his mark, but had resigned himself to think better, to hope for the first time since his awakening, just as all of Thedas had upon the appointment of a new Inquisitor. Fen'Harel had stalled the anchor initially but after the defeat of Corypheus, after two years of lying nearly dormant, the stability had begun to deteriorate. He'd felt it across the Fade, a slow ache in the back of his mind, on the palm of his left hand. The Exalted Council was the perfect opportunity to stop the Qunari…and to see her one last time.

She was still so beautiful and he couldn't, for the life of him, stay and watch her die. He'd seen horrors, things no mortal should ever experience, but watching her die would have undone him. If he didn't stay, if he didn't see, then he could pretend that she was still alive somewhere, helping the helpless with beautiful magic and crystalline eyes. So he left her there like a coward when he knew that she needed him most. Fen'Harel hadn't known she would survive, that her will would surprise him once more. Her life was something he would never forget, something that not even his most temperate resistors, his most wicked nightmares, could take from him. He had hardened his heart the moment he stepped through the Eluvian and left her kneeling in pain, resolute on the fate of his beloved. Then he was given the report he held in his hands.

Fen'Harel kept reading, forcing himself to absorb the knowledge delicately penned on the page in front of him in fluent ancient Elvhen, his heart seemingly come back to life in his chest, beating profoundly. He stopped at a word, one that was obviously incorrect to him, and had to supply the correct one before continuing. The People were learning, recovering the old ways, but not yet perfect. He stumbled along, pausing on information of what Kana had done to survive. Her arm was gone, sacrificed to his folly just as her clan had been, as her heart had been. He still loved her…and she had understood. Kana had wanted to come with him, to aid in his quest. She was willing to sacrifice this world, the Veil, for him and that was the worst part of all. If she had come to hate him in the two year gap, if she cursed his name with his name, _"May the Dread Wolf take him",_ it would have been easier to bear. Instead she was all he could ever dare to ask for and he still did not deserve her. His was a path of death. If he recanted, if he succumbed, he knew it would possibly be hers among the losses sure to come. He would not be able to bear that. Look what he did when Mythal was killed. Mythal was his best friend but Kana was his heart. He would rather die himself than see the destruction he would wreak upon his worst fear's realization. It was enough that she was alive, still breathing.

He put the page down and pressed a hand to his face, remembering that last kiss, that last conversation, her every expression as he laid the truth before her feet. He imagined her, anchor consumed, using anything and everything she could to spare her life, to sever her arm. A shard of stone, a piece of glass, a staff...her own magic. Fen'Harel imagined her pain and tried to feel it himself, right hand, removed from his face, drifting up and down the flesh appendage that Kana would never get back.

He chuckled to himself then, a sad smile gracing his lips. Fen'Harel knew, just knew, that something like the loss of an arm wouldn't hinder Kana at all. She would learn to live without, to suffer through. Kana still had friends to depend on, people who would welcome her presence in whatever capacity she supplied it. Fen'Harel couldn't say the same for himself.

He had reports on them as well, the others that were in Kana's inner circle. They would all need to be watched closely. His spy network was expansive; there was nowhere or no one that he might not touch at any given moment…except his vehnan.

Grand Enchanter Vivienne, Divine Victoria, Lady Montilyet and Varric, the new Viscount of Kirkwall, were the easiest to keep track of: all in places of power and influence he could easily access despite Cassandra's excursions to the Hunterhorn Mountains to play with her new force of Seekers. He was cautious about them.

The Bull's Chargers he'd infiltrated as soon as he'd met them despite the fact that Bull was already giving the Inquisition his Ben Hassrath reports. Any kind of Qunari spy was worth putting one of his own in place as well. Magister Pavus was tricky but Fen'Harel was able to take advantage of the new light in which he now saw elves (largely due to the Inquisitor's influence) and now received regular reports from the Tevinter capital on slave owners, other members of the magisterium and the man himself. Fen'Harel saluted Dorian's attempts to redeem his country, his countrymen. If he succeeded, Fen'Harel's elven forces within and without would show them mercy. If not...their retribution would be great, every cruelty matched with an elvhen blade. He prayed it never came to war but the People were restless already. They'd suffered too much and didn't value patience against the course of another few hundred years. They wanted blood now, even if it wasn't the goal that the ancient deity they now followed sought. Everything was precarious: his networks, his plans, his people.

Fen'Harel's agents were still trying to find a way into Grey Warden ranks but he would not force or allow any of them to submit themselves to the Joining. He was worried about the Wardens and their influence, their chaotic lives. The Southern Wardens had disconnected from the Northern ones. Weisshaupt was strategic and nearly impenetrable. Thom Rainer was not one to stay in one place so Fen'Harel decided against pursuing a single Grey Warden or a single member of the Red Jennies. He doubted what Sera would be able to do with her simplistic ideals and goals. He wasn't much concerned with the Commander either, leaving him to his rehabilitation center but knew that he would be one of the first to pick up his sword again in defense of everything he believed.

The only person he was remotely concerned about was Lady Nightingale. No matter who he sent or what he found, she was a wisp on the wind, a whisper in the shadows. With the knowledge that Fen'Harel knew everything about her methods and weaknesses, she must have gone underground or at least reshaped herself in some matter, ever a chameleon despite her moniker. He knew that she was working to undermine him. He would have to take precautions against anything she might devise.

And then there was Kana. There was no doubt she would be trying to find him at the very least. He didn't want to think about it, what might happen when she did - _if_ she did. Would she still offer herself to him, to his cause? " _In another world_ ", he'd said. In another world she would have been a Queen. Perhaps _his_ Queen. Whatever she could have been, she was no one now. In a single statement Kana had disbanded the group she'd left so much for, worked so hard for. He didn't doubt that the Inquisition was still active however, with fewer members and under a different name to counteract the corruption and complacency that brought forth the organization's end. He figured that that was where Leliana was hiding, where Cassandra, Divine Victoria disappeared to when she did manage to get away from the throng of Seekers, well-wishers, and diplomats that hounded her constantly. They didn't, couldn't, know his plans, his location, only the simple goal he'd parted to Kana before he'd gone. What did the humans hope to do? Stop him? What did Kana want to do? If anything, he knew that Kana would try to find him. Possibilities festered in his chest like a gaping wound. Nothing would keep him from restoring the People. It was his fault they were they way they were. But he knew. He knew that she still loved him, despite everything…and he still loved her.

There was a knock on his door and he opened it with but a single thought, the agent crossing the room and bowing her head slightly, something he detested but knew that they required. To the People, he was still a marvel, something they had yet to completely believe. He would suffer anything they asked. His suffering was what they deserved, what _he_ deserved.

She said little, still learning the ancient tongue of her ancestors, and handed him another two messages. He said little as well and she left with nothing more passing. A sigh escaped his mouth as he broke the seal from the first and began reading once more. It was next to nothing, drivel, but he had to know everything. When his forces, his cause, exited the shadows, it would shake the world. If he was going to rip the world asunder, he was going to do it once and he was going to do it right.

Fen'Harel set the dossier down on his already cluttered desk and picked up the second. It was small, brought by bird, and said nothing more than what he wanted to know. It was confirmation. Kana Lavellan was still alive. A breath he hadn't known he'd been holding left his lungs. He had no doubt she was busy doing things for her own goals and attentions but part of him missed her, the part he'd tried desperately to seal away upon realizing that she would not live to see the world he restored but now…with her spirit still fighting to live, perhaps fighting for him, he wondered. He wanted to do more than wonder. He wanted to see.

There was no need to do anything more tonight, he decided. The sun had disappeared hours ago and the keep was quiet. He could do no more at this hour…and there were things enough to do in the Fade. The Fade – one world split apart into two. It was the only way to stop the Evanuris from tearing both at the seams. The chaos, the death would have been irrefutable, unavoidable, and catastrophic. Yes, he would need his strength, despite the well of power that came when he combined with the remnants of Mythal. He would avenge his friend. He would save their People. But not today…and not this night. This night…he would carve his heart out further from his chest and watch it beat from afar. He would hide it from his enemies and hope to one day claim it again.

It took but a whisper, a slight shift in the wind to slip across the Veil. This was his world, housing the dreams of all those within and without. Fen'Harel's dream reflected the keep in which he found himself in, littered with broken pillars and hints of the decadence from his forgotten age. He would make them see, he would restore all that was lost and the People would be glorious once more.

A thought broke his ideals, simple and pure in its construction – doubt. Fen'Harel waved a hand in front of him to banish the greedy wisp of fear, trying to plant things that were not there. He'd purged all the demons in the relative area in order to protect the number of agents and spies that slept soundly within the keep. It was the least he could do.

Fen'Harel focused his attention now, reaching out amongst the many dreamers for one in particular. It was an absurd hour in the physical world. He knew she would be asleep, perhaps in front of some fireplace. Despite her role as Inquisitor, despite the luxury she was showered with, Kana never grew accustomed to it, never wanted it. Her heart was simple, full of stars and trees. She'd never once, of her own choice, slept in a 'shemlen' bed, content on the floor, suffering with her People who lay on the ground out in the elements. It was one of her quirks, her self sacrifices. She was always good at those - in battle, in life, even in the face of death.

Part of him wanted to find her. The other part wanted to hate her. She changed everything. She'd shown him the marvels of this disastrous world he wasn't supposed to care about, wasn't supposed to get attached to. And yet he had. " _In another world_ " he'd told her. Would it be his, the one he sought to restore? Would she still be alive after the Veil came down and the Evanuris were released? Would they kill her to spite him? He shook the thought from his head. He didn't dare himself to hope, to think. For now, all he would do, all he deserved, was to watch…until the day of reckoning.

He refocused his attention, searching for her connection, her magic, her spirit. He felt the threads one by one, tapping them as a spider would a web. Finally, he found her: Kana. Fen'Harel couldn't pinpoint her location in the physical world but the Fade was his realm, his creation. He trudged forward, each footstep seeming to grow heavier. He didn't deserve to see her, he didn't deserve to even know her let alone love her. Kana.

The transformation, even after all these years, was as easy as slipping into the Fade. His ancient armor became white fur, hands and feet became paws, and the uncanny familiarity of a tail was soon known. Fen'Harel was soon twice his Elvhen size, a large alpha-wolf with bright eyes and a hungry gaze. He wouldn't let her see him truly, not with how precarious a single encounter with his love could turn. The Fade responded to his animal form, remembering him from ages past. This was the curious one, the white wolf who ran the length of dreams. His other form was black with red eyes. Fen'Harel shivered. He hadn't been the Dread Wolf in millennia, hadn't let any emotion take him that far over the edge. He hoped he wouldn't have to use that power in the days to come.

Fen'Harel turned towards Kana's direction, feeling the tug in his chest, behind powerful muscles, and set his pace. He knew every corner, every space within the Fade and was able to avoid dreams and nightmares all the same. He would stop if a particularly vile one caught his eye and deal with it but other than that, his mark was set.

He found her walking. She was simply walking but what struck him was her left arm. It was gone to be sure but Kana had manipulated the Fade to bring back pieces of it. Her left arm was a turbulent dark violet that shimmered and moved well enough as if that was its original form, hinting at fingers and use. The color, the pulsing reminded him of the anchor but much more subtle as it swirled, the magic contained in its shape. He watched as she brushed a limb from her path, a strand of hair from her face, wearing familiar armor in lesser shades of green. Kana was always more at home in the forest, remnants of her Dalish life. He would have smiled if he could at her persistence. Fen'Harel wondered if she could do the same trick while awake, summon and arm like summoning a spirit.

Kana reached the end of her dream, the end of the forest, and stopped before its hazy exterior, studying it. She pushed a hand forward, the real one she had left, and ripples danced across its surface. She let her hand fall with a sigh. She was too tired to leave her dream space, didn't want to exert the among of energy it would take, didn't want to attract attention. Fen'Harel wished he could tell her to continue. Nothing dangerous that wished to live would come near where they were, not with the Dread Wolf present. He wished he could tell her. He wanted to see the extend of her magic. If she could manipulate the Fade so well while asleep, what could she do when the Veil was no longer present?

Kana simply turned around and kept walking, Fen'Harel careful to stay to the side and out of her line of sight until she passed, content to walk among the foliage of the Free Marches where her clan used to wander.

The wolf padded behind her, keeping his presence hidden but letting her distinct scent fill his nose, relishing in it. He hoped. Against all hope, he hoped that she would forgive him and that she would be alive if ever there came a time of true peace, when he could relinquish his mantle, set aside the 'Dread Wolf' for good. It was a sentiment. It was a good sentiment.

He watched Kana continue through the brush, turning her face, free of the Vallaslin. It was ironic. As a youth she'd chosen to honor Mythal and then drank from her Well. He tried not the think about how much of an advantage he had over her. Mythal was inside him, her Will was inside him. He could command Kana to do anything. He could order her to leave, go somewhere far away, hide his heart. She would never forgive him if he did and Fen'Harel didn't want to show his hand. It was more than that however. He didn't want her to hate him. Pulled back from his thoughts his eyes refocused on the lithe figure just beyond his reach. During the two year gap he'd witnessed her anger, driving curses and drawing rage demons to her form. He'd witnessed her sadness, tears flowing from eyes across the Fade, from spirits as well as her own. The spirits knew who he was. They knew who she was. More than once they'd tried but they could not understand, in their efforts. This was his burden and he was not ready to share it with anyone. He thought he might be unable to and this scared him. " _Dying alone_."

He let Kana drift away, further into the dream, unaware of her lover's wandering eyes. His name was on her lips, Pride in her heart. The great wolf sat on his haunches and shook his fur, casting off his doubt and trying to strengthen his resolve. He could tarry here no longer. Fen'Harel couldn't trust himself when she was so close but so far away at the same time. He had much yet to do.

He padded off with a secret in his mind, in his soul. If ever there was someone to stand against and stop him, if there was ever someone to aid him, to stand by his side, it would be her. It would always and alone be her…in either capacity she came to him. And he would welcome it, the return of his heart. The Fade opened to Fen'Harel, whisking him away to where he destined it to take him...and he was gone.

...

Kana watched the white wolf disappear from the corner of her eye and she knew. She knew it was Solas...the Dread Wolf...Fen'Harel. She knew it was her vehnan…she knew that he still cared. And with that small comfort she kept walking, strolling among the leafy giants, hands, real and magical, brushing against the flora. She was undeterred in her path, her love...but nothing would come of it tonight.

A whisper of a wish knotted tightly in their hearts as they went further and further from what they wanted most. A thread held them together, simple and sweet, something that they could return to in each their own minds when the days grew dark. A hope that " _one day things would be better_ ", would be different, that one day they could love with nothing to stand in the way, a hope in the possibility of a future together, despite all the odds and trials that were sure to come. Hope.

It was all they truly wanted…it was all they truly needed.

...

 **Thanks for reading! Review please. Also, see my full story, the expansion of 'One Day' = Pride's Only Weakness. Thank you!**


End file.
